The other day I had a scheduled Skype chat with my friend, Asha Sitaram, who's living in the US. I love her dearly, but I was feeling kind of crappy and was not in the mood to chat. Quite frankly, I was not in the mood to do anything other than curl up in a ball in bed and watch a movie, let alone discuss my failure to accomplish most of my weekly goals, as we had planned. In the past few months we have become more structured with our weekly conversations by co-coaching each other. This means that we share progress on our previous week’s goals and set new goals for the upcoming week. We also discuss barriers and strategies for success, and celebrate accomplishments. I tried to put on a social smile, but I warned my friend that I had a dark cloud over my head that day. She announced that she was feeling kind of crappy herself and wanted to complete an “Icky analysis.” This is an ingenious strategy that she came up with and we developed together in an organic free-flowing way. It has become my new favorite thing in the world because we both went from feeling kind of crappy to feeling motivated and energized for the week ahead. So far I’ve been able to maintain that transformed momentum and am eager to share the simple, yet profound, process. 1.Vent List all of the reasons why you are feeling kind of crappy. This satisfies the need for venting, self-compassion, and honouring pain and struggle. Identifying, acknowledging, and giving ourselves permission to feel lousy is a great way to move through that mood. If you don't have someone that you trust with the dark parts of your soul or your foul mod, writing it all out in a journal would be useful too. My list had at least 15 items on it and involved tears of frustration as I opened up. 2. What can I do about it? Here’s where we get proactive. What are some things that would make you feel better or would prevent those things that lead you to feeling crappy from happening again? This is a process of taking ownership of your situation. My coach pointed out that a theme that tied together many of my frustrations was a need to anchor myself among so many moving and unknown parts of my life. 3. What can I do about it this week? This is where you start to narrow down your list by prioritizing what is most important and achievable this week. I chose to focus on getting back into a routine of going to bed and getting up at the same time every day and reestablishing my productive morning routine. 4. What will make that challenging? The most lofty goals can feel achievable before we set out to accomplish them, but we may quickly lose our motivation once we hit some road blocks. Looking at what kinds of potential barriers we’ll face, we can better prepare for the real work of gettin’ ‘er done. Two challenges that I foresee of getting up at 6am every morning are that (1) I keep turning my alarm off and going back to sleep, and (2) despite my best intentions, my social life sometimes keep me up past 10pm, in turn making it harder to get up in the morning! 5. What strategies will help me to succeed? Taking a couple of minutes to proactively troubleshoot any potential problems along the way or any assistance that can be implemented can help to set ourselves up for success. Some strategies that I identified were:
Similar to the process of compost being transformed into valuable and usable nutrients for plants to grow, that CRAPPY energy can be transformed into motivational energy to birth new direction.
Mindy Alexander
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I’m weary. I’ve been sick for 2 weeks now. It’s almost gone, this persistent cold, but just sticking around long enough to remind me that I’m only human. That sometimes I have to slow down and just be. That I can’t, and I shouldn’t, do it all.
There’s something in that feeling of weariness, though. In which a kind text message or a serendipitous event feels that much more magical. There are all these little gifts, and they seem that much sparklier when I’m feeling raw and weak. So what has moved me in recent days? I’m currently studying art therapy, and I was brought nearly to tears several times by the responses of my classmates to a presentation I did with a classmate that involved a Mary Oliver poem, as well as some movement exercises. I received text messages of love at just the right moments, cutting through the exhaustion and sadness I was feeling, reminding me of the beauty and love underlying all. A friend made me a beautiful, thoughtful gift. Another friend insisted I take home a shamrock plant that I had admired in her apartment. I spent some time with an art book and was able to see brand new things I’d never noticed before in those works of art...even though I’d already gone through this text many times before. My cat spent much of the week snuggled into a pillow fort I’d accidentally created on my bed. Cute!! I spent time with people who allowed themselves to be vulnerable with me, and I in turn opened up with them. A sweet old man, a stranger on the street, gave me a giant, radiant smile and said hello to me. Another stranger, a woman who had been in my yoga class, offered me a ride home, when she saw me walking away from the studio. So this is what I have energy for this week. No grand pronouncements or existential queries, just the noticing. Awareness of small moments of beauty, kindness, love, generosity. Not so small at all, in fact. Shaina Lehan There's a fabulous window display at a store in Ottawa called Images on Bank. In the display case on one side of the entrance are paintings and cards that denounce romance as being vicious, even going so far as to compare marriage to war. On the opposing display case are the typical cards and images one sees in the weeks leading up to Valentine's Day with cute little animals giving each other flowers and hearts. I am staunchly positioned on the cheesy, sappy side of the Valentine's Day fence. I fully get the arguments about stripping a man of his masculinity by predetermining how he is to behave and express his love on a certain day leading to a pony show as his woman shows of his romance the next day at work and compares his performance with those of her colleagues. I also get the heteronormative and gendered issues with that last sentence and most media representations of romance. I get the single-shaming too. I especially get the over-commercialized, over-priced cards, chocolate, and flowers. But when did Valentine's Day turn into that? Remember in elementary school where everyone in the class got a Valentine? Even that kid who picked his nose and put his boogers on the library books or the pencil he borrowed from you. Your heart was just so big that you couldn't bare the thought of anyone feeling left out on Valentine's day! That's the kind of love I want to celebrate on V-Day. Don't forget the Rom Com magic, if that's what you're into, but let's expand the kind of love worth celebrating! Expressing and celebrating love doesn't need a specific day. But how about last Tuesday? Did you tell your co-workers how awesome they were? Did you send a surprise card to your grandmother just because she rocks? Did you look any of your sweeties in the eyes and tell them just how grateful you are to have them in your life? If not, this coming Wednesday happens to be a reminder for us all to tap into our most loving selves and spread that ooey-gooey goodness. Here are three ideas to spark your flames of passion that are healthy (you don't need sugar to be sweet), inexpensive, and super awesome: 1. Tell someone in your life what you admire about them and the ways they enrich your life. Why are you grateful for their presence? For extra cheese mail them your thoughts or look them deeply in the eyes as your share. 2. Go for a walk with a special someone that highlights meaningful places you've been before: like through that special park or that spot where you first met. Maybe the grocery store because you appreciate that your mom buys you groceries! 3. Write yourself a love letter and pop it in the mail. Out of sight and out of mind, them Bam! a whole lotta love right in your mailbox. 4. Volunteer at an organization that you feel passionate about. Animal care, women's shelter, food bank? Not only will these activities make the recipients feel awesome, but research shows that expressing our gratitude and appreciation for other people, along with doing something kind for someone else, increase our own levels of happiness. Mindy Alexander My kitty Oscar is none too impressed with winter, either.
Imbolc, the Celtic celebration of the halfway point between winter solstice and the spring equinox, has recently passed. However, those of us in chilly Ontario are all too aware that we still have quite a bit of winter left. The days are still relatively short, the streets icy and dangerous, the mood at times melancholy. I know a lot of folks who have been finding winter this year especially challenging, especially in terms of their emotional state. Warmth can feel elusive. Some distance themselves from others, hibernating in their caves. Those who stay busy and active might still meet moments of stillness and find strangeness and loneliness within them. Yeah, that would be me. I want to offer up a few things that have been brightening up my days recently, soothing my winter weary soul. If you know me well, you're aware of the fact that there's nothing I love better than sharing a few recommendations with anyone who will lend me their ear. The 'Soul Music' podcast is a favourite of mine, and this particular episode was very moving. The series focuses on famous popular songs and then shares the stories of everyday folks who've had deep connections with those tunes. This one is about Boys Don't Cry by The Cure. I bought this book 2 days ago and I've already read it 3 times (it's a quick read). The title says it all: "Your Illustrated Guide to Becoming One with the Universe". Beyond beautiful. This artist's fanciful works in gouache. This album. Trust me. I love you very much, and hope these recommendations might thaw the frost a little for you also. Shaina Lehan |
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February 2019
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